Trapped by perfectionism. How to get rid of negative thoughts?

Perfectionism could be a real trap… What have we done with emancipation, girls? ­čÖé Don’t you think that women today are expected much more than we expect from men? Perfect housewife, who’s also employed and has got time for make-up and regular jogging… And that joy and excitement painted on her face while cleaning the toilet. Because shiny bathroom defines her self-esteem:)


I know at least few couples, where a woman is trapped by expectations and perfectionism. And those girls are not treated well by their partners, who often want more and more every day. But honestly… Sometimes woman┬ásubconsciously wants to stay in her┬árole, because it’s something she’s┬áfamiliar with, gives her safety and a (very tight) comfort zone.

I mentioned that women are┬ánot always respected by male partners. Why? I think one of the reasons is that they don’t really love themselves, so they don’t believe they deserve more. You can’t expect someone to respect you, if you don’t really think you are worthy of that.
Leaving this state of mind is always difficult, could cause stress and anxiety, but it’s worth trying.

There are few things that helped me to fight perfectionism, maybe they’ll be useful for some of you.
  • Don’t focus on your mistakes. It happened and it’s in the past. Learn and start again.
  • Don’t be ashamed of your imperfections, they make a special and unique person.
  • Change environment. If you’re surrounded by people who make you feel low, and you haven’t got power to fight, just try to run away.
  • Find a reason of your perfectionism. It’s usually hidden in your childhood, maybe you always wanted to please everyone? It’s gonna be easier to close that chapter if you understand the reason.
  • Appreciate your achievements! Be proud and share your happiness.
  • Stop focusing on┬áother people judgments. Whatever they think, it’s your life and your decisions.

Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by pictures and articles about perfect women. But let’s be honest – we never know what’s the reality and what’s just a creation.

We are all different, although most of us are┬ásensitive and it’s really easy to hurt us. That’s our nature and one of the things that make us beautiful… Even with our imperfections.

43 thoughts on “Trapped by perfectionism. How to get rid of negative thoughts?

  1. Nellwyn says:

    I think learning to live with imperfections is an ongoing battle for a lot of people (myself included!) I’ve never really thought about where my perfectionism originated but I’ll have to give it some thought to see if that can help me let it go a little more

  2. Author Brandi Kennedy says:

    Perfectionism really does put so much extra stress on us! Especially women – but we do it to ourselves. I love your list of ways to help battle this – they’re great reminders to take your own personal power back, as well as being great reminders that it’s okay to not be perfect all the time.

  3. Amber Myers says:

    I’ve never tried to be perfect. I just know it doesn’t exist. My kids won’t always be happy. My house won’t always be spotless. Oh well. Life is too short to worry about those kinds of things. Mistakes do happen and yeah, they bite, but I try to learn from them.

  4. mira pstr says:

    Yes being perfectionist is a good thing to accomplish challenging goals in our life or in our job , but perfection is also a lot of stress so it can be a bad thing also .

  5. Steven Goodwin @ MyFamilyOnABudget says:

    This is very true at times. Unless you both get on the same page and start treating each other like equals. In my household, the roles are reversed as I’m a SAHD and take care of the kids during the day and get the housework and food taken care of for the most part. I think the key to our success is working together and talking about our goals and what we want out of the relationship.

  6. The Travel Ninjas says:

    Perfectionism is such an enemy, we agree. Travelling nonstop this past year has taught us that again and again. So much is out of our control and there are so many totally new experiences that perfectionism is not even an option. And we’re much happier for it.

  7. Krysten says:

    I am one of those women who is overwhelmed with the idea of perfectionism. I don’t have a full time job, but I do so many side jobs that it’s like I do, plus I take care of my son full time, plus I cook and clean the house. And I feel like I’m not good enough. I am going to take your advice and try to stop worrying so much.

    • Kat says:

      Bless you Krysten. Remember: asking for help doesn’t make you weak. Everybody needs time just for themselves: to relax and just enjoy daily moments.

  8. Mark and Kate says:

    Great advice on how to deflect negative thoughts. While I’m not into perfectionism, I think, there’s a lot that needs to correct in my attitude and thoughts. Your ideas are really helpful for me in this regard.

  9. Wanderlust Vegans says:

    Self imposed perfectionism is definitely unhealthy if you get upset whenever you don’t do something perfect. It’s a shame to hear that you know a few couples where women are trapped by expectations of perfectionism. That does not sound like a healthy relationship.

  10. Anna nuttall says:

    I like this and great advice. Self imposed perfectionism is at time dangerous – trust me I’ve seen it with my mum. It also sound like you seen it with a few couples. It hard as she’s my mum and doesn’t listen to anything I say. xx

  11. Elizabeth O. says:

    We all want to achieve perfection, unfortunately no on is ever perfect. I think these are great suggestions on how to overcome that. It’s important that we value ourselves and accept the fact that nobody is perfect.

  12. Kaitlyn says:

    Something that has really helped me with negative thoughts is using mindfulness! There are so many great ideas behind telling yourself that “it is just thought” when you think negative things about yourself. You can even ask yourself where that type of a thought would lead you and play it out in your mind.

    Kaitlyn
    http://www.mypostpartumlife.com

  13. Robin Rue says:

    Wanting to be a perfectionist all the time can be a ticking time bomb. It is even worse when it is you holding yourself to these standards and not someone else. Great tips.

  14. Sondra Barker says:

    I truly appreciate this post, honey. I needed to be reminded of those exact things you said helped you fight your perfectionism and a few of them I was just being told for the first time. Truly, thank you.

  15. Phoenix Fitness says:

    I definitely struggle with perfectionism at times, even though I’m far from perfect. I don’t want my kids to be that way, so I’ve tried modeling being ok with mistakes. I think it’s good for them to see me give myself grace.

  16. Carol Cassara says:

    Thinking that you can be perfect is toxic. That’s too much expectation on yourself and you might end up being disappointed. No one is perfect and we have to focus on our skills and capabilities instead.

  17. Jo says:

    I’m definitely guilty of this! Since I started blogging I feel like I ‘should’ be getting everything right and I ‘should’ be getting all my Pinterest pins done each day. I need to take a step back and relax!

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